An Italian fearing Germany

In view of the upcoming Wehrmacht... I mean... Bundeswehr invasion of my dear homeland, I decided to use the remaining time to practice my German. What follows is a summary of my first week practicing the language and imagining how traumatizing the occupation will be:

Let's get this over with immediately: It is a very complex language... Even just saying “hi” feels like a full workout for your tongue. "Guten Tag"... "GUTEN TAG"?! it sounds like the desperate grunt noise you make when you are trying to get that spicy pizza out of you but suffer of explosive hemorroids.

Yet I must say, the REAL problems for me arrive with those long words… “Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän”… Is that even a word ?! I use nine letters to say “barcaiolo” and hey need what sounds like a legal document just to describe a guy on a boat (notice the triple "f" there, YES IT IS A THING FOR THEM).

I am committed, I want to be ready, but then I realize they have words long like books that describe problems I didn't even know EXISTED. I learned a word that means “the anxiety of realizing you might have closed the door too softly.” Torschlusspanik. WHAT THE HELL?! In Italy we just go back and slam it again! Why so much OVERTHINKING?!

But I have to admit something: YES, it has its charm. It’s a language that instantly makes you sound authoritative. Even if you’re saying something completely ridiculous, it comes out like an official statement. Like: “Einen Ohrwurm haben!” It sounds like I’m addressing the nation, right? Well... I'm actually just saying something about "worms inside the ears" or something like that.

What I am most concerned about tho... is the cultural exchance.

I can already picture the scene: they arrive, precise and punctual, and I’m there trying to blend in. “Excuse me, can I offer you a coffee?” and they go, “Italianen? Kaffee, ja, but exactly at 14:03.” 14:03... At that time I’m still deciding whether my day has even started...
I mean, I respect it, I really do. I’m even practicing being more direct, to look a little more like them: No more “maybe, perhaps, we’ll see.” Now it’s: “Yes. No. Pasta.” Very efficient. Very German. Slightly confusing, but effective.

Anyways, I’m preparing. I'm studying, practicing… I want to be a good host, you know? When they arrive, I’ll be there, smiling: “Willkommen! I made gnocchi.” And if they don’t understand… I’ll just use hand signs. That’s where I have a clear advantage.

This said, I truly hope they will be good occupiers, since we were magnificent ones.

I was wishing to keep doing my "Morgenspaziergang" by the wonderful Bavarian Alps, but I guess I'll have to go back to the Dolomites.

It is fine tho, after all...

Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei!. (Everything has an end, only the sausage has two!)