BREAKING: Dutch Refugees Flood Finnish Lapland!

A steady stream of Dutch refugees is flowing into Northern Finland. Following a drastic realization that their core regions have become basically uninhabitable, the brave emigrants have bid their dear homes farewell and embarked on a journey to settle in more peaceful lands.

The Finnish Ministry of Interior warmly welcomes all refugees and promises to ensure sufficient supplies of salmiakki and mämmi for everyone in need. A temporary shortage of bicycles with appropriate snow tires is to be expected, though Finnish authorities assure that reindeer are a perfectly adequate substitute and arguably more fuel-efficient. Adjustment counseling will be available for those struggling to adapt to terrain that stubbornly remains above sea level.

Finnish engineers are meanwhile working tirelessly to dismantle the remaining dykes and dams of the Dutch homelands in an effort to reclaim sufficient building materials to provide everyone with adequate housing. Preliminary estimates suggest there is enough concrete to build approximately 400,000 saunas, which the Ministry considers a highly satisfactory outcome.

In commemoration of Dutch bravery and pioneering spirit, the Finnish government has formally proposed designating the former region of Holland as a Natura 2000 Marine Protected Area, with special protections for the emerging deep-sea ecosystem and whatever is left of the Rijksmuseum.