Citizens, put down your rations and gather round, because our scouts have returned from the border with intelligence. And by intelligence, we mean they watched India's army try to cross a river for four hours.
Latest Enemy Maneuvers:
India's high command has unveiled a bold new strategy: sending troops in, watching them get pushed back, then posting a victory newspaper article about it anyway. Bold. Confident. Completely detached from the battle report.
Their Economy:
Rumor has it India's treasury consists of one guy manually refreshing the market page hoping prices go up out of sheer willpower.
Their Morale:
Reportedly "high," according to their own propaganda ministry, which also reported this same morale level during their last three consecutive defeats. Consistency, if nothing else.
Our Response:
We're not worried. We've seen this show before — Season 1: The Advance, Season 2: The Retreat, Season 3: The Newspaper Article Claiming It Was Strategic All Along.
A Word to India's Command:
Bring your battalions. Bring your spreadsheets. Bring whatever "secret plan" you've been workshopping in your alliance chat that we can definitely see. We'll be here, mildly amused and heavily armed.
Stay sharp, stay smug, and remember: they can copy our army size, but they can't copy our style.
— Markhor