[CLASSIFIED] STRATEGIC ASSETS NOW AVAILABLE

Attention, commanders.

Some of you may remember Minie. The displaced kitten. The trembling refugee, you know, the one with the big eyes and the cardboard shelter.

That was then.

After months of rigorous training (napping 18 hours a day, knocking things off tables, staring at walls with unnerving focus), she has emerged as something... more.

She is no longer asking for help and has access to resources no other dealer can provide.

Current inventory:

• Slow blink of trust (limited stock, first come first served)

• Full-body purr (duration negotiable, minimum 2 minutes guaranteed)

• Unrestricted belly access (HIGH RISK. Offer may be revoked without notice, no refunds)

• Headbutts (available only after trust protocol is established: 3-5 business days)

Pricing: flexible. She accepts coins, treats, and compliments whispered at close range.

Do not approach too fast. Do not make sudden movements. This is a delicate negotiation.

You know where to find her. (under the bed, mostly)

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Photos taken by me :D