🇿🇼 CONGRESS ANNOUNCEMENT: VOTE FOR CHAOS, VOTE FOR ME

Citizens of Zimbabwe, fellow taxpayers, survivors of economic uncertainty, and people currently pretending to work while playing War Era…

After approximately seven minutes of serious political contemplation, two arguments with myself, and absolutely no consultation with anyone qualified, I have officially decided to run for Congress.

Some people say I have no political experience.
Correct.

But have you seen the people who do?
Exactly.

At least I’m honest about the disaster.

🗳️ MY CAMPAIGN SLOGAN:
“Lower Expectations. Higher Entertainment.”

Because promises are temporary.
Memes are eternal.

📜 MY MANIFESTO

💰 Economy: Fix it somehow. Call the disasters “strategic opportunities.”

⚡ Infrastructure: Power cuts become wellness breaks. Potholes become landmarks.

🏛️ Government: Shorter meetings. More mute buttons.

🚨 Crime: Criminals get motivational podcasts and customer-service duty.

🪖 War Era: Attack smart. Defend hard. Stop wasting troops!

STOP ATTACKING THE GUY WHO HAS A 400% POWER ADVANTAGE JUST BECAUSE HE LOOKED AT YOU FUNNY.

We will also establish a national emergency fund for players who spend all their resources upgrading one useless building and immediately regret it.

🇿🇼 WHY VOTE FOR ME?
Because if Zimbabwe is going to descend into absolute political chaos…
We may as well have someone entertaining in charge.

I can’t promise miracles.
I can’t promise unlimited resources.
I can’t promise that every decision will make sense.
But I can promise that if everything goes horribly wrong…
THE MEMES WILL BE LEGENDARY.

So remember:

🗳️ VOTE FOR ME.
🇿🇼 VOTE FOR CHAOS.
🪖 VOTE FOR VICTORY.

Because apparently “doing the sensible thing” wasn’t working anyway.

— Your future Congress representative,
assuming the voters have made a terrible enough decision.