In 1933, a gang of five small-time crooks in the Bronx took out three life insurance policies on Michael Malloy, a homeless alcoholic, planning to let him drink himself to death on an unlimited bar tab.
Malloy’s organs had other plans.
When months of bottomless whiskey failed to do the job, the gang grew impatient and improvised:
Replaced his liquor with pure antifreeze. Malloy drank it, wiped his mouth, and asked for another round.
Swapped that for turpentine, horse liniment, and rat poison. He drank every drop without blinking.
Fed him raw oysters marinated in wood alcohol and canned sardines packed with carpet tacks. Malloy loved the sandwich and asked for seconds.
Dumped him naked in a snowbank at -14°F after dousing him in freezing water. The next morning, he strolled into the bar complaining about a minor draft.
Ran him down with a taxi at 45 mph. Three weeks later, he walked back in and said, "I've got a terrible headache, pour me a gin."
The conspiracy unraveled shortly after, and four members of the gang were sent straight to the electric chair.
Surviving antifreeze cocktails, carpet-tack snacks, and a direct vehicular assault just to demand another pint makes Michael Malloy the most durable barfly to ever live. That wraps up Day 28!
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