Day 26: The Glorious Speech nobody heard

Day 26 of the Great Conflict.

This morning didn’t start with a battle.

It started with a speech.

Far behind the front lines, in a very comfortable room with absolutely no mud, the leaders of the ruling party gathered to address the nation. Clean uniforms. Perfect lighting. Not a single misplaced hair in sight.

“Victory is inevitable,” they declared.
“The people stand united.”
“Our soldiers are motivated, strong, and definitely not currently arguing over who lost the map.”

Meanwhile, at the front…

At 08:00, we realised the map was, in fact, upside down.

At 08:05, someone confidently pointed north.
It was not north.

At 08:10, we received orders:
“Advance strategically.”

We’re still trying to figure out what that means.

At 08:15, one soldier asked, “Strategically… where?”
No answer came. Possibly because the message was written by someone who has never seen a battlefield outside of a painting.

At 08:20, the enemy appeared.

At 08:21, we all stood there, quietly wondering if they had received clearer instructions.

They hadn’t.

We could tell.

One of them was holding a piece of paper and rotating it as if it might reveal secrets if aligned with the sun.

At 08:25, both sides hesitated.

At 08:27, someone—unclear which side—yelled, “FOR THE PARTY!”

No one moved.

Even the wind paused.

At 08:30, instead of charging, both armies slowly adjusted their gear, as if preparing for a very serious event that nobody had properly explained.

Back in the capital, the speech continued:

“Our strategy is flawless.”

At the front, Marco asked if “flawless” meant we should keep standing still or start running.

We chose… standing.

It felt safer.

At 08:40, the enemy slowly backed away.

Not in fear.

More like… mutual confusion.

We didn’t chase them.

We weren’t entirely sure we were allowed to.

Current situation:

• Orders received: yes

• Orders understood: absolutely not

• Confidence from leadership: extremely high

• Confidence at the front: politely declining

The Great Conflict continues.

Apparently according to plan.