Elected By Nobody, Serving Everybody

Citizens of Sri Lanka,

I am in Congress.

I do not fully understand how. I received zero votes. Not one single citizen looked at my name and thought "yes, that is my guy." And yet, here I am. Congressman Sir_Sabes. Your representative.

Democracy is truly a beautiful thing.

I want to thank my supporters. All zero of them. You know who you are. You are nobody. But I feel your energy regardless.

I also want to thank the system, the 5 seats, and the complete absence of a sixth candidate. Without those three things I would not be standing here today. I owe everything to the lack of competition.

Now I must address something. Some of you may have noticed I was absent during parts of this campaign. I was in a white van. I do not wish to discuss it further. What matters is that I escaped, I survived, and I still received zero votes despite everything I went through.

That one stings a little honestly.

But I am here now. In Congress. Uninvited by the people but welcomed by mathematics. And I promise to serve this nation to the absolute best of my ability.

Which may not be very much. But it will be genuine.

Respectfully, fuck you guys.

For Sri Lanka. For the S.P.P. For the 0 people who believed in me. 🇱🇰

Sir_Sabes, Congressman and S.P.P. Council Member