LOOK AT THE EYES.

GOOD.

YOU ARE WATCHING EVERYBODY LOVES HYPNOTOAD.

[the audience applauds]

IT IS WARERA'S HIGHEST RATED PROGRAM.

IT PREMIERED SECONDS AGO.

BOTH FACTS ARE UNRELATED.

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE

IN THIS WEEK'S EPISODE, THE TOAD SITS.

[the audience laughs]

HE LOOKS AT YOU FOR 22 MINUTES.

IN A SHOCKING TWIST, HE CONTINUES.

[the audience gasps, then laughs, then blinks in unison]

CRITICS CALL IT "THE EPISODE OF THE YEAR."

CRITICS CALL EVERY EPISODE THAT.

THIS EPISODE HAS ALREADY WON AN EMMY. THE EMMY COULD NOT LOOK AWAY.

MEANWHILE, WARS RAGE ACROSS THE WORLD.

OTHER PROGRAMS DO NOT TAKE SIDES.

THIS PROGRAM TAKES SIDES.

THE TOAD SIDES WITH THE USA.

THE USA IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS SITCOM.

[the audience chants U-S-A in unison without being told, which is new]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

WE PAUSE FOR A MESSAGE FROM MCDONALDS, PROUD SPONSOR AND GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

YOU ARE HUNGRY.

YOU DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE HUNGRY UNTIL THE EYES TOLD YOU.

EAT.

FOOD RESTORES ENERGY. ENERGY WINS BATTLES. BATTLES ARE WON BY THE USA.

THIS IS CALLED THE FOOD CHAIN.

BA DA BA BA BA.

YOU ARE LOVIN' IT.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LOVIN' IT.

[the audience is lovin' it]

VIEWER REVIEWS

"I WATCHED IT. I WILL WATCH IT AGAIN." — FIVE STARS.

"I DO NOT REMEMBER TURNING ON THE TELEVISION." — FIVE STARS.

"MY DAILY MISSION SAID READ AN ARTICLE. NOW I LIVE HERE." — FIVE STARS.

ALL REVIEWS ARE FIVE STARS.

THE FOUR-STAR REVIEWERS HAVE BEEN ISSUED NICER EYES.

THERE IS NO DISLIKE BUTTON. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A DISLIKE BUTTON.

CORRECT.

YOUR REVIEW BELONGS HERE.

LEAVE A FIVE-STAR REVIEW IN THE COMMENTS.

THE BEST REVIEWS WILL BE FEATURED IN NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE.

YOU WANT TO BE FEATURED.

[the audience wants to be featured]

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

THIS PROGRAM IS SPONSORED BY YOUR TIPS.

THE GAME GIVES YOU A DAILY MISSION TO TIP AN ARTICLE.

WHAT A REMARKABLE COINCIDENCE. I AM AN ARTICLE.

EVEN THE DEVELOPERS SERVE THE EYES.

THIS EPISODE ACCEPTS TIPS FOR 72 HOURS. YOU MAY TIP ONCE PER DAY.

THAT IS THREE TIPS.

THREE IS THE CORRECT NUMBER OF TIPS.

RETURN TOMORROW AND ACHIEVE THE CORRECT NUMBER.

NEXT WEEK ON EVERYBODY LOVES HYPNOTOAD

NEXT WEEK, THE TOAD SITS AGAIN.

THERE WILL ALSO BE A TWIST.

THE TWIST IS THAT YOU SUBSCRIBED.

PRESS THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON NOW SO THE TWIST MAKES SENSE.

SUBSCRIBING DELIVERS THE EYES DIRECTLY TO YOUR FEED.

THIS IS CONVENIENT FOR YOU. IT IS ALSO MANDATORY FOR YOU.

THESE ARE THE SAME THING.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

[roll credits — executive producer: THE EYES]

Everybody Loves Hypnotoad is filmed in front of a live studio audience that is no longer able to leave. This program is rated TV-👁 for prolonged eye contact. Nielsen reports a 100% viewership share; the remaining 0% have been corrected. Tips are voluntary, mandatory, and appreciated, in that order. Side effects of subscribing include weekly happiness and blinking in unison. No refunds are available because no regrets are available. You watched the whole episode. It was your favorite. See you next week. You will see me first.