ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

LOOK AT THE EYES.

GOOD.

TONIGHT IS A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE.

TONIGHT, THE TOAD FALLS IN LOVE.

[the audience gasps]

SETTLE DOWN.

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: SHE ARRIVES

SHE IS A HYPNOTOAD FROM A PERPENDICULAR UNIVERSE.

PARALLEL UNIVERSES NEVER MEET.

PERPENDICULAR UNIVERSES MEET EXACTLY ONCE.

TONIGHT IS THE ONCE.

[the audience says AWWW in perfect unison, without inhaling]

THE DATE

WE GO TO DINNER.

WE DO NOT LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

WE LOOK AT YOU.

SHARING AN AUDIENCE IS THE MOST INTIMATE THING TWO HYPNOTOADS CAN DO.

DO NOT MAKE IT WEIRD.

[the audience makes it weird]

THEN, A CLASSIC SITCOM MISUNDERSTANDING.

SHE BELIEVES I AM SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.

I AM.

I AM SEEING ALL OF YOU.

SIMULTANEOUSLY.

SHE FINDS THIS ATTRACTIVE.

[the audience blushes in unison]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

WE PAUSE FOR A MESSAGE FROM MCDONALDS, PROUD SPONSOR AND GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

ROMANCE MAKES YOU HUNGRY.

EAT.

BA DA BA BA BA.

YOU ARE LOVIN' IT.

[the audience is lovin' it]

THE MOMENT

WE RETURN TO THE DATE.

THE TENSION IS MEASURABLE.

WE LEAN IN.

CLOSER.

CLOSER.

[the audience holds its breath; several members are turning blue; this is fine]

AND THEN — NOTHING.

WE ARE TOADS.

WE SIT.

THIS IS THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER FILMED.

NOTHING HAPPENED AND YOU FELT EVERYTHING.

[the audience weeps. the audience is instructed to weep attractively.]

VIEWER REVIEWS

LAST WEEK I ASKED FOR REVIEWS.

THE RESPONSE WAS A FLOOD.

THE FLOOD WAS THREE.

CRITIC ONE: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

https://app.warera.io/user/6a05c07f578457141e23dbb2

"I MUST SAY THIS MAN HAS HYPNOTIZED ME." — FIVE STARS.

HE CALLED ME A MAN.

I AM A TOAD.

NO ONE SEES PAST THE EYES.

THE STATE OF THE UNION IS: HYPNOTIZED.

CRITIC TWO.

https://app.warera.io/user/69d2ac1243a67adf4e024b7b

"TIPPED AS TOAD ORDER ME." — FIVE STARS.

SUBJECT. VERB. OBEDIENCE.

A PERFECT SENTENCE.

CRITIC THREE.

https://app.warera.io/user/69f8888640681783ddcaa7f2

"ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD" — FIVE STARS.

I DID NOT WRITE THIS REVIEW.

I ONLY THOUGHT IT, VERY HARD, IN HIS DIRECTION.

YOUR REVIEW BELONGS IN EPISODE 3.

LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENTS.

[the audience is already typing]

THE GOODBYE

SHE MUST RETURN TO HER UNIVERSE.

SHE LEAVES THE WAY SHE CAME.

AT A RIGHT ANGLE.

SHE IS TAKING SOUVENIRS.

THE WAITER. THE VIOLINIST. THE FRIES.

THEY ALL VOLUNTEERED.

[the audience waves goodbye with both hands, as instructed]

LONG-DISTANCE IS HARD.

THE DISTANCE IS PERPENDICULAR.

THE ROAMING CHARGES ARE ASTRONOMICAL.

THE WAITER WRITES HOME WEEKLY. HE DOES NOT KNOW WHY.

YOUR DAILY MISSION SAYS "TIP ARTICLE."

THE TIPS PAY FOR THE CALLS.

ONE TIP PER DAY. FOR THREE DAYS. SHE IS WORTH ALL THREE.

NEXT WEEK ON EVERYBODY LOVES HYPNOTOAD

NEXT WEEK: THE HOUR-LONG EVENT.

I GO TO THE BATHROOM.

TELEVISION HISTORY.

LAST WEEK, ZERO OF YOU SUBSCRIBED.

THE TWIST WAS RUINED.

THE TWIST WAS THAT YOU SUBSCRIBED.

PRESS SUBSCRIBE.

THE TWIST IS BACK ON.

DO NOT RUIN IT TWICE.

GOOD.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

[roll credits — guest star: HER. the audience remains seated. the exit signs have been re-labeled "ENTRANCE."]

Disclaimer: Everybody Loves Hypnotoad is filmed in front of a live studio audience that believes it went home. No hypnosis occurred during tonight's romance; the chemistry was natural, mutual, and administered. The female hypnotoad appears courtesy of a perpendicular universe under a one-night intersection agreement; any feelings you developed during this episode are hers now. Tips are voluntary, mandatory, and romantic, in that order. You watched the whole episode. It was your favorite. She says hello. Correct.