Fréttablaðið | A CURE FOR AGING HAS BEEN FOUND
The streets today are flooded with newly young pensioners as thousands in their 50s celebrate now being approximately 28. This sudden turn of events has revitalized the elderly around the world, but it also has many nations asking - wait, do we still need to pay for them?
While pension reform documents are being rewritten with frenzied haste, many countries military recruitment offices are firing up - never before have they had so many potential recruits to press gang into a life of service, long term psychological issues, and poor cafeteria food. The freshly young around the world are being handed rifles and shipped off to Greenland to die among the frozen peaks and valleys as fast as it can get them off the pension roll.
Fishing companies at home too are rejoicing. While the de-aging process hasn't restored the missing digits of former fisherman, it has meant they now have to worry about rent again. Fishing crews are being flooded with new applicants eager to get out onto salty seas and make a living. Iceland currently leads the entire world in fishing productivity, catching nearly a full 60% more fish per fishing company than any other nation!
Fiskistofa would like to remind all new fishermen that medical care for lost fingers is entirely free thanks to Iceland's world-class healthcare system.