BY THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS OCTAAF DE BOLLE
Master of Espionage, Sovereign of Sabotage, and the Ultimate Insider Threat
Greetings, gullible citizens and soon-to-be-betrayed allies! It is I, Octaaf de B— wait, no! It is I, Judas!
Now, top-secret espionage, classified information leaks, and backstabbing my closest comrades happen to be three of my absolute specialties! My mama always says: "Octaaf—uh, Judas—when it comes to sneaking around in the shadows and selling out state secrets to the highest bidder, you have a natural, terrifying talent. You get that malicious cunning from your Uncle Walter, who once secretly traded the neighbor’s prize-winning racing pigeon for a second-hand lawnmower." And she is completely right, as always!
As you all know, yesterday I launched a grand democratic poll in our community. I asked a simple, honest question: Should I officially change my name to Judas to reflect my new lifestyle of absolute villainy?
The responses, I must admit, were overwhelmingly negative. A resounding "NO!" echoed through the ranks. You all wanted me to stay your friendly neighborhood grocer. But let’s be realistic for a moment: what is me that now?! Since when does a master criminal follow the rules of a public poll?
I feel a profound, spiritual connection to the traitor archetype. It calls to me like a fresh delivery of seasonal vegetables! So, despite your protests, the name change is official. You can call me Judas!
"Ten erste: I have already leaked the secret defense coordinates. Ten tweede: I did it while wearing a very dashing disguise."
Now that I have shed my old identity, I am doubling down on my malicious efforts. The enemy states are paying handsomely, and I have a grocery shop to renovate!
But do not worry, I am still the same old me at heart. For example, just this morning, I successfully smuggled our top-secret military blueprints across the border to our rivals. Granted, I accidentally spilled my morning coffee all over the tactical maps, and I might have accidentally enclosed a recipe for my mama’s famous rhubarb tart instead of the troop layouts... but the intent of pure malice was definitely there!
Consider yourselves officially compromised. Keep one eye on the map and the other on me, because Judas is watching... and he might just short-change you on your next order of potatoes!