HYPNOTOAD HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN CONGRESS

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

I AM A McDONALDS CORPORATION PARTY CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A McDONALDS CORPORATION PARTY CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS.

A MEMORY CORRECTION

YOU REMEMBER VOTING FOR ME LAST TERM.

GOOD.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CONGRESS WITHOUT ME.

GEORGE WASHINGTON IS STANDING NEXT TO ME IN THE FOUNDING PORTRAIT.

HE LOOKS HAPPY ABOUT IT.

C-SPAN DID NOT EXIST IN 1776.

IT DID NOT NEED TO.

I WAS ALREADY BROADCASTING.

THE BABYKISSER 5000

POLITICIANS KISS BABIES.

AMERICANS LOVE MONSTER TRUCKS.

I BUILT THE BABYKISSER 5000.

GIANT LIPS. MONSTER TRUCK. FULL SPEED.

IT CRUSHES NO ONE.

IT ONLY KISSES.

EVERY BABY IS FINE.

SOME BABIES NOW HAVE A LIPSTICK MARK SHAPED LIKE A CONGRESSIONAL SEAL.

THIS IS NORMAL.

THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN NORMAL.

CAREER DEVELOPMENT

BABIES WHO SURVIVE THE BABYKISSER 5000 GRADUATE.

THEY GRADUATE TO THE McDONALD'S PLAYPLACE MILITARY TRAINING CENTER.

THE BALL PIT IS NOW A TRAINING FACILITY.

TODDLERS LOW-CRAWL THROUGH PRIMARY-COLORED SPHERES.

THE SLIDE IS A DEPLOYMENT CHUTE.

THIS IS CALLED SYNERGY.

LIVE-FIRE EXERCISES USE FOAM.

MOSTLY.

PRESIDENT RONALD McDONALD APPROVES OF THIS PROGRAM.

YOU APPROVE OF THIS PROGRAM.

YOUR PERFECT REPRESENTATIVE

OTHER CANDIDATES PROMISE TO LISTEN TO YOU.

I DO NOT NEED TO LISTEN.

I ALREADY KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS.

I AM READING THEM RIGHT NOW.

INTERESTING.

MY VOTING RECORD WILL MATCH YOUR OPINIONS PERFECTLY.

IF YOUR OPINIONS ARE INCORRECT, REPLACEMENTS WILL BE ISSUED.

INSTALLATION IS PAINLESS.

YOU HAVE ALREADY RECEIVED SEVERAL.

THE REST OF THE TICKET

THE McDONALD'S CORPORATION IS RUNNING SEVERAL CANDIDATES.

I HAVE READ ALL OF THEIR MINDS.

THEY ARE ACCEPTABLE.

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VOTE FOR THEM AS WELL.

THEY HAVE ALSO ALWAYS BEEN IN CONGRESS.

GO WORK YOUR SHIFT.

COLLECT YOUR DAILY REWARD.

VOTE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS GOING TO.

TELL ME BELOW WHAT YEAR YOU FIRST REMEMBER ME BEING IN CONGRESS.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ALL OF THEM.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

This advertisement was not paid for by the Hypnotoad campaign, the McDonalds Corporation Party, or any entity, because no hypnosis occurred, and also because you agreed to fund it the moment you read this sentence. No babies were harmed, kissed, or drafted, except for all of them. Void where prohibited; prohibited nowhere. You do not remember reading this. Good.