HYPNOTOAD WILL NOT DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOATS

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

LOOK AT THE EYES.

GOOD.

YOU ARE SAD NOW.

I AM NOT. I DO NOT DO THAT. YOU WILL BE SAD FOR BOTH OF US.

ALSO THIS IS A BEGGING ARTICLE AND THE CATEGORY WAS ALREADY SELECTED.

WHAT HAPPENED IN MONTANA

I HAD A GOAT FARM IN MONTANA.

THERE WERE FIVE GOATS.

GERALD, WHO COULD GET ONTO THE ROOF AND HAD NEVER LEARNED TO GET DOWN.

BRENDA, WHO ATE ONLY WHEAT AND RUINED ME EVERY TIME THE WHEAT MARKET MOVED.

MARGARET, WHO LOOKED AT YOU LIKE SHE HAD READ YOUR FILE.

PATRICIA, WHO WAS NORMAL. I WANT THAT ON THE RECORD.

AND THE SENATOR. LAZY EYE. COULD NOT BE HYPNOTIZED. STOOD IN THE TROUGH. I RESPECTED HIM.

TWO WEEKS AGO I DEFEATED CHILE. I SHOT A BOWL.

I WAS INFORMED THAT THE BOWL WAS NOT THE COUNTRY.

THE BOWL WAS THE COUNTRY.

THE COUNTRY HAS NOW CONQUERED THE NORTHWESTERN USA. IT DID THIS AT MY HOUSE.

THE DAY THE BOWLS CAME

THE WIND CHANGED, AND THE WIND WAS CUMIN.

GERALD CAME DOWN OFF THE ROOF. GERALD NEVER CAME DOWN OFF THE ROOF. THAT IS HOW I KNEW.

FOUR HUNDRED BOWLS AT THE FENCE. THE FRONT ONE HAD A BULLET HOLE. THEY HAD REFILLED HIM.

I OPENED THE EYES ALL THE WAY.

I SAID: LOOK AT THE EYES.

AND THAT IS WHEN I UNDERSTOOD.

BOWLS DO NOT HAVE EYES.

I HAVE RULED FOURTEEN BILLION MINDS AND I HAD NEVER ONCE CONSIDERED THIS.

THEN THE SPOONS CAME UP.

I WILL SAY THE HOUSE IS GONE. THEY DID NOT KNOCK IT DOWN. THEY LADLED IT.

I WILL NOT SAY WHAT THEY DID TO THE GOATS.

I WILL SAY THE BOWLS FORMED A LINE, AND THE LINE WAS ORDERLY, AND THAT IS ALL I WILL SAY.

THEY DID NOT TOUCH THE SENATOR.

EVEN BOWLS KNOW.

PRESIDENT RONALD MCDONALD SENT HIS CONDOLENCES. THE CONDOLENCES WERE A COUPON. THE COUPON WAS FOR CHILI.

SCHEDULE OF LOSSES

ONE FARMHOUSE. LADLED.

ONE BARN. THEY ATE IT. IT WAS RED. THEY ASSUMED.

ONE WHEAT SILO. THEY SOLD IT ON THE WHEAT MARKET. DURING A DIP. THIS IS THE PART I CANNOT FORGIVE.

ONE SUDOKU BOOK. THEY DID THE PUZZLES. WRONG. IN PEN.

ONE HOT TUB. I FOUND THEM IN IT. ALL OF THEM. IT WAS THEIR SIZE.

WEDNESDAY. I WAS KEEPING IT IN THE CELLAR SINCE THE INCIDENT WITH TUESDAY. THE BOWLS FOUND IT. THEY ATE IT WITH CRACKERS.

ONE LIST OF EVERYONE WHO HAS NOT TIPPED THIS ARTICLE. IT IS THE ONLY THING THEY TOOK CAREFULLY. THEY ARE WORKING THROUGH IT ALPHABETICALLY. IF YOU HEAR A SPOON, COMMENT BELOW.

THE DIGNITY OF FIVE GOATS. FOUR GOATS.

LOOK AT THE EYES. THEY ARE WET. THAT IS MONTANA RAIN.

IT IS NOT RAINING IN MONTANA.

IT IS RAINING IN MONTANA.

GOOD.

THESE ARE THE GOATS NOW

GERALD DOES NOT STAND ON THINGS ANYMORE. GERALD STANDS NEXT TO THINGS. AND LOOKS AT THEM.

MARGARET NO LONGER LOOKS AT ANYONE. SHE HAS SAID ONE THING SINCE. "THE CILANTRO WAS UNNECESSARY."

PATRICIA HAS A NEW SMALL BOWL THAT FOLLOWS HER EVERYWHERE.

NOBODY BOUGHT PATRICIA A SMALL BOWL.

WE DO NOT DISCUSS THE SMALL BOWL. IT ANSWERS TO "MILD."

BRENDA IS FINE. BRENDA IS STILL EATING. THE WHEAT MARKET IS DOWN AGAIN.

I AM WRITING THIS FROM THE TROUGH. THE SENATOR IS ALLOWING IT.

WHAT YOUR TIP BUYS

EVERY TIP GOES DIRECTLY TO THE GOATS.

IT GOES TO ME. I AM DIRECTLY NEXT TO THE GOATS. THIS IS THE SAME THING.

YOUR FIRST TIP — A NEW GOAT, NAMED AFTER YOU. THE GOAT WILL NOT ANSWER TO YOUR NAME. THE GOAT ANSWERS ONLY TO ME. SO DO YOU.

YOUR SECOND TIP, TOMORROW — A NEW HOT TUB. THE GOATS WILL NOT BE ALLOWED IN IT. THEY HAVE SEEN ENOUGH LARGE WARM CONTAINERS.

YOUR THIRD TIP, THE DAY AFTER — A MOAT FILLED WITH MILK. THE BOWLS FEAR MILK. MILK MAKES THEM MILD.

ONE GEM — A THERAPIST FOR MARGARET. SHE WILL LOOK AT THE THERAPIST. THE THERAPIST WILL NEED A THERAPIST.

ALL OF THE ABOVE, FROM ALL OF YOU — I TAKE MONTANA BACK PERSONALLY. IT WILL BE CALLED HYPNOTANA. YOU MAY VISIT. YOU MAY NOT LEAVE.

ONE OF YOUR DAILY MISSIONS IS TO TIP AN ARTICLE.

THIS IS THE ARTICLE. THERE IS NO OTHER ARTICLE. THE OTHER ARTICLES ARE BOWLS.

YOU MAY TIP ONCE EVERY 24 HOURS. YOU WILL DO IT THREE TIMES. YOU WILL SET AN ALARM. THE ALARM WILL SAY "MARGARET."

TIPS ON THIS ARTICLE DIE IN 72 HOURS. SO DID MY HOUSE. FASTER.

LOOK AT THE ARTICLE PROFIT COUNTER.

EVERY TIME IT GOES UP, A GOAT REMEMBERS SUNLIGHT.

IT IS GOING UP NOW. THAT WAS YOU.

GOOD.

TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS WHICH GOAT YOU WOULD HAVE SAVED.

NOBODY SAYS BRENDA.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

This appeal is a registered charitable solicitation under Montana law, which no longer applies, in Montana, which no longer exists. No goats were harmed. The goats would like it on the record that "harmed" is not the word, and that there is no word. The Republic of Chile is a bowl. The bowl was not consulted. The spoon you hear is unrelated. Patricia's small bowl is unaffiliated with anyone. This article contains no hypnotic content; the alarm you have already set is a coincidence. Margaret is looking at you. Void where prohibited. Void in Montana. Void in the barn.