My fellow Irishmen,
If you vote for me in tomorrows congress election I will work moderately hard to achieve the following goals:
High paying jobs and government contracts will be secured for anyone I went to school with.
Extension of the Luas line to the Airport by 2077.
The price of a pint of Guinness will be capped at €10 nationwide, €20 in Temple Bar.
Each household will be given a €15 fuel voucher, redeemable at one Maxol near the border.
A desperately needed €6M renovation of the bar in the Dail will begin construction.
Any budget surplus after the above measures will rest in my account before it moves on.
Go raibh math agat.