JÄMTLAND REMAINS A MYSTERY TO OCCUPATION AUTHORITIES

Jamtland, Jamtland, Jamt å Ständut!

Jämtland, the mythical land wedged between Norway and Sweden, continues to baffle Dutch occupation officials. Home to a stern people living in a stern climate, the region has proven far more complicated than expected.

For starters, Jämtland has mountains.

The discovery came as a shock to Dutch personnel, many of whom were raised in the safety and comfort of a landscape where a highway overpass is considered dramatic terrain.

Ljuva Jämtar, härliga Härjedalingar, rakryggade Ragundingar och sagolika Samer!

Beloved Jamtlanders, wonderful Härjedalians, proud Ragundings and legendary Sámi!

Convincing the locals to accept occupation has proven equally difficult. Reports indicate that Dutch authorities remain deeply confused by the Jamska language.

"Is it Swedish?" asked one official.

"No, it's Norwegian," replied another.

Experts were consulted. Science remains unable to provide a clear answer.

Republic of Jämtland proudly part of Kingdom of Sweden, it does makes sense.

Matters became even more troubling when officials discovered that the locals proudly fly a little-known flag which they insist is their own. Crowds have also been observed singing something called "Jamtlann de e lanne vår" while enthusiastically praising a republic.

A republic?

Sweden is a monarchy.

Locals explain that they belong to the Republic of Jämtland, Härjedalen and Ragunda.

"Is it real?" occupation authorities asked.

"Yes!" replied one Jamt.

"No, no," replied another.
Both then burst into laughter and refused to elaborate.

"Do children drive cars here!?" shouted one alarmed Dutch tourist.

Additional reports have emerged from Dutch cyclists attempting to explore the region's rolling countryside. Several claim they were overtaken at high speed by teenagers driving EPA tractors.

Heineiken is juice. Here we drink homemade moonshine while our kids driving tractors.

"Do children drive cars here!?" shouted one alarmed Dutch tourist.

"A car? No," replied a smiling Jamt. "That's a tractor. Fully compliant with EU standards."

Dutch authorities have also attempted to win over the population by increasing the availability of alcoholic beverages in local shops.
Unfortunately, they were unaware of Jämtland's long-standing tradition of producing homemade moonshine in plastic containers.

Is it safe?

No.

Experts estimate that a single glass could send an unsuspecting Dutch cyclist directly to hospital.

Occupation officials have therefore classified Jämtland as a "region requiring further investigation."

The locals responded by offering coffee, messmör and driving away in tractors.