I leave for five minutes and suddenly everything is “democracy this” and “free press that” and, I’m sorry, paid shawarma??? Who approved this? Nobody approved this. I would know, I used to approve everything.
I am running again. Not because I want power. I’m over that. I’m running because someone needs to fix this mess, and also because the new government currently occupies 45 of my villas, using 187 of my cars, swimming in 33 of my pools, and has somehow acquired 28 of my yachts, which is frankly just embarrassing for everyone involved.
That’s not politics. That’s personal.
My platform is simple:
1. Free shawarma. Again. Obviously.
2. My stuff. Returned. Immediately.
3. Everyone who touched my yachts: jail.
The people of Lebanon had a taste of my leadership. Then they had a taste of the alternative. And now, i think, they want the free shawarma back.
So do I, honestly.