LESOTHO DECLARES STATE OF EMERGENCY

Emergency measures announced amid growing regional instability

As political leaders elsewhere gather to debate leadership, foreign policy and the future of their nation, the Kingdom of Lesotho has concluded that there are considerably more pressing matters at hand.

Following an emergency sitting of The Blunt Table, officials identified a crisis so severe that immediate national intervention has become unavoidable.

After extensive consultation, careful analysis and at least one joint, the conclusion was unanimous:

We desperately need an education.

Effective immediately, personnel are being withdrawn from productive society and enrolled at the prestigious:

🎓 UNIVERSITY OF DTUFP

The situation is considered critical.

Initial assessments have uncovered alarming deficiencies across several key areas. An emergency curriculum has therefore been established, including:

•⁠ ⁠Intelligence Verification

•⁠ ⁠Rat Identification

•⁠ ⁠Cause & Effect

•⁠ ⁠Advanced Geography

•⁠ ⁠Introduction to Reading the Room

An elective course in German Studies has also experienced a completely unexplained surge in applications.

We don’t know why.

University researchers have meanwhile launched a groundbreaking case study examining how one small piece of questionable intelligence can somehow produce an extraordinarily large number of consequences.

Students have been instructed to observe the experiment carefully.

Take notes.

And, most importantly:

DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE EXPERIMENT.

One unnamed professor summarised the institution’s philosophy:

“Sometimes the best education comes from simply watching other people make decisions.”

Profound.

The Department of Intelligence Studies has also begun urgent research into whether rats should be classified as primary or secondary sources.

Early findings suggest that blindly trusting either may have unintended consequences.

Research continues.

Rumours that this sudden enthusiasm for higher education has anything whatsoever to do with events beyond Lesotho’s borders are entirely unfounded.

There are no ulterior motives.

There are no secret deployments.

There is no grand strategy.

We simply wish to learn.

Fortunately, the incoming class already possesses one guiding principle as it begins this difficult academic journey.

In the immortal words of one of the great political thinkers of our generation:

“We must be disapilined.”

And disapilined we shall be.

With experiance, disapiline and academic excellance guiding us through this unprecedented national emergency, citizens are urged to remain calm.

The school bags have been issued.

The textbooks are open.

The joints are lit.

The students are seated.

And should anything particularly interesting happen outside the university while class is in session…

Please keep the noise down. We’re trying to study.

🎓 UNIVERSITY OF DTUFP

Faculty of Applied Consequences

State of Emergency remains in effect until further notice.