Forget that tiny patch of land by the Baltic Sea. In July, on the warera.io servers, Greater Lithuania was born. And who else could stand at the helm of this digital empire but Beitsas? On July 3rd, the nation looked at their spiking ping, collectively decided to change absolutely nothing, and re-elected their supreme leader to continue his epic work. Which term is this? No one counts anymore. It's somewhere between two and infinity.
Greater Lithuania required massive decisions, world-class absurdity, and unbridled chaos. Here is what the Golden Age of our empire looked like in July:
At the beginning of the month, Greater Lithuania decided that the European map simply didn't offer enough legroom.
Discovering America: Imperial forces crossed the ocean, conquering Alaska and the US Pacific Coast, while casually steamrolling Central Asia (Naryn, Osh, Bishkek) on the side.
The 1-Gold Clearance Sale: As true rulers of the world, we handed out territories like free flyers. We bought Western Mongolia for 1 gold, and handed over Karelia to Finland and the Russian Far East to the US for the exact same price.
The Andorra Challenge: Our might terrified the globe so much that on July 8th, out of sheer panic, Andorra declared war on Greater Lithuania. Naturally, we didn’t even bother to respond.
As befits a true superpower, our economy quickly reached a level of complexity that mere mortals cannot comprehend.
Server Shock – BANKRUPTCY! On July 10th at 03:00, Greater Lithuania officially went bankrupt. The server wiped our alliances and shut down our region upgrades. Did this stop us? No, it was merely Beitsas's advanced "tax optimization" scheme.
Operation "Red Square": With a completely empty treasury but a mouse full of enthusiastic clicks, Greater Lithuania executed a historic march on July 12th—we conquered Moscow, finally taking it from Russia.
High Art Pricing (8.008): After the bankruptcy, we transitioned to a highly sophisticated alternative economy. Minsk and Grodno were sold to Latvia for the calculator-meme price of 8.008 gold, while Brest was bought from Poland for 8.0085.
The Exotic Alliance: A highly colorful cast of nations joined the renewed Greater Lithuanian alliance, "The Inglorious Basterds": South Sudan, Palestine, Belarus, Libya, and Benin.
The final third of July revealed Greater Lithuania's true strategic attitude towards its old, obsolete lands.
Poking Canada: On July 27th, we declared a purely preventive war on Canada, mostly just to check if they were still logged into the server.
"Gifts" for Germany: While Greater Lithuania was busy basing itself out of Moscow and Alaska, we decided our old provinces were simply too small for our imperial stature. Thus, Germany was allowed to peacefully take over our historic villages:
July 27 – Suvalkija is handed over to the Germans.
July 28 – Dzūkija is given away.
July 30 – Aukštaitija is relinquished.
July 31 – The Germans get Žemaitija too.
Greater Lithuania simply rented these lands out so the Germans could pay for the server maintenance while we play global geopolitical Monopoly.
July proved that Greater Lithuania has no borders. No one knows how many terms Beitsas has served, but under his rule, we vacationed in Alaska, took Moscow, went bankrupt with style, traded using calculator jokes, and gave our old villages to the Germans because we simply outgrew the standard map. Long live Greater Lithuania, and may your F5 key never break!