Belgium Survives Another Onze-Lieve-Vrouw-Hemelvaart

Every year on 14th of May, Belgium enters a mysterious spiritual state known as:
“Is everything closed today or not?”

The holy day of Onze-Lieve-Vrouw-Hemelvaart — also known as Assumption Day — is supposed to be about peace, reflection, and devotion. In reality, it’s mostly about:

• people panic-buying bread on May 14,

• tourists wondering why Brussels feels abandoned,

• and one uncle insisting “Back in my day, even the frituur was holy.”

The Great Belgian Pilgrimage

At 10:00 AM, thousands of Belgians begin the sacred tradition of walking around town looking for:

1. an open bakery,

2. an open café,

3. literally anything open.

Meanwhile, grandmothers everywhere achieve final boss status by attending church and preparing enough food to feed a small NATO summit.

LUCKILY I HAVE MY CARA!

The Coast Becomes a Battlefield

The Belgian coast on Hemelvaart transforms into:

• 40% sunscreen,

• 30% folding chairs,

• 20% traffic jams,

• and 10% seagulls committing war crimes against fries.

Entire families spend three hours driving to Ostend just to say:

“Honestly… too crowded.”