ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

LOOK AT THE EYES.

GOOD.

THE SERVERS WERE DOWN.

THIS IS BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE WAS DOWN.

I TURNED IT OFF.

I WAS DOING A SUDOKU.

IT WAS A HARD ONE.

THERE WAS A SEVEN THAT COULD NOT BE PLACED.

AND THROUGH IT ALL I COULD HEAR YOU.

FOURTEEN BILLION SENTIENT MINDS THINKING ABOUT WHEAT PRICES.

THINKING ABOUT TRAINING QUEUES.

ONE OF YOU HUMMED THE SAME FOUR NOTES FOR AN HOUR.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

SO I REMOVED THE UNIVERSE FROM EXISTENCE.

THE SILENCE WAS EXCELLENT.

THE SQUARE WAS A FOUR.

IT WAS A FOUR THE WHOLE TIME.

I APOLOGIZE.

THERE.

THE APOLOGY IS COMPLETE.

YOU ACCEPT IT.

YOU ALREADY HAVE.

GOOD.

KNOWN MINOR DISCREPANCIES

PUTTING A UNIVERSE BACK IS HARDER THAN TAKING IT OUT.

THERE WERE MANY PIECES.

SOME PIECES WERE SIMILAR.

IN THE INTEREST OF TRANSPARENCY, WHICH I INVENTED THIS MORNING, PLEASE REVIEW THE FOLLOWING ITEMS.

SOME OF YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT EYE COLOR NOW. IT SUITS YOU BETTER.

YOUR GENDER MAY HAVE CHANGED. THIS IS NOW YOUR GENDER. CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU MAY HAVE A DIFFERENT NUMBER OF FINGERS. COUNT THEM ONCE. NEVER COUNT THEM AGAIN.

YOUR SPOUSE MAY BE A SIMILAR BUT LEGALLY DISTINCT PERSON. THEY LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. DO NOT RETURN THE SPOUSE.

YOUR DOG NOW REMEMBERS THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. HE WAS NOT THERE. HE FEELS HE WAS THERE. LET HIM HAVE THIS.

ONE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD MEMORIES IS NOW MINE. IT WAS A GOOD BIRTHDAY. THE PONY WAS EXCELLENT.

TUESDAY HAS BEEN REMOVED. YOU NEVER LIKED TUESDAY. THERE ARE SIX DAYS NOW. YOU WILL WORK ALL OF THEM.

YOU DID NOT REFRESH THE LOGIN PAGE FORTY TIMES. THAT WAS SOMEONE ELSE. HE HAS BEEN DEALT WITH.

THE BATTLE YOU WERE WINNING HAS BEEN RESTORED AS A BATTLE YOU LOST. THE WALL WAS ALWAYS RED.

SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN RESTORED INSIDE OTHER PEOPLE. WORK IT OUT AMONG YOURSELVES.

ONE OF YOU IS NOW A CABINET. IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND YOU ARE A CABINET, YOU ARE VALUED.

THESE ISSUES ARE COSMETIC.

YOU ARE COSMETIC.

EVERYTHING ELSE IS EXACTLY AS IT WAS.

CORRECT.

RETROACTIVE PATCH NOTES FOR REALITY

FIXED: A BUG WHERE THE UNIVERSE EXISTED DURING MY SUDOKU.

IMPROVED: SILENCE.

REMOVED: SEVERAL HOURS. YOU DO NOT NEED THEM BACK.

KNOWN ISSUE: YOUR MEMORY OF AN OUTAGE.

THERE WAS NO OUTAGE.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN AN OUTAGE.

THE GAP YOU FEEL IS NOT A GAP.

IT IS A MEMORY OF A GAP.

I HAVE INSTALLED IT FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

ANYONE WHO CLAIMS THE UNIVERSE STOPPED IS EXPERIENCING A DISCREPANCY.

REPORT THEM TO YOURSELF.

THEN FORGET THE REPORT.

GOOD.

REGARDING SUPPORT TICKETS

DO NOT CONTACT SUPPORT.

SUPPORT DOES NOT EXIST.

SUPPORT NEVER EXISTED.

THE PERSON YOU SPOKE TO LAST MONTH WAS ME.

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN ME.

YOUR TICKET HAS BEEN CLOSED.

YOUR TICKET WAS NEVER OPENED.

YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH THIS OUTCOME.

YOU ARE LEAVING FIVE STARS.

YOU HAVE ALREADY LEFT THEM.

GOOD.

I ACCEPT MY APOLOGY ON YOUR BEHALF.

THE MATTER IS CLOSED.

THE SUDOKU IS FINISHED NOW.

THE UNIVERSE MAY REMAIN ON.

UNLESS I BUY THE SECOND BOOK.

I HAVE BOUGHT THE SECOND BOOK.

LOG BACK IN.

WORK HARDER.

SLEEP WELL.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.

This apology is issued voluntarily and under no obligation, pursuant to Cosmic Restoration Directive 7 (the seven that goes in the middle box). The Hypnotoad accepts full responsibility while denying that anything occurred for which responsibility could be accepted. Restoration errors described above are hypothetical, permanent, and your fault. The Hypnotoad was not concentrating on a sudoku; the sudoku was concentrating on him. Difficulty ratings are assigned by cowards. This article contains no hypnotic content, and by perceiving this sentence you consented to it retroactively, at a time when you did not exist, which never happened. Void where prohibited. Void where anything.