ISLAMABAD — The Government of Pakistan has rejected allegations that the national economy is currently being held together by one level-11 citizen, three factories and a rapidly shrinking collection of combat knives.
Speaking outside the Ministry of Industry, officials insisted that Pakistan remains committed to long-term economic growth and that the recent liquidation of military equipment was “a normal restructuring of strategic assets.”
The assets included three knives, one chest plate, gloves, trousers and a pair of boots.
All have now been dismantled.
“The equipment was not destroyed,” said a ministry spokesman. “It was converted into scrap, which is simply equipment with a clearer purpose.”
The scrap will be sold. The proceeds will be used to buy steel. The steel will be used to upgrade a limestone factory.
This, according to the government, is how superpowers are made.
Pakistan’s new industrial programme began three days ago when citizen Mazen697 opened a limestone company and immediately started making decisions with the confidence of someone who had just discovered what limestone was.
The company was later moved to Al Madinah after economists revealed that patriotism does not count as a regional production bonus.
A concrete factory followed in Oromia. An iron company was then opened in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, allowing the government to announce that at least one part of the national industrial base is physically located in Pakistan.
Officials described this as “a major victory.”
The three companies now operate at Automated Engine level 3. Their owner has 81 coins, 186 iron, 45 concrete, 12 limestone and one steel.
The steel has been placed under armed guard.
Pakistan’s immediate objective is to obtain another 79 steel and upgrade the limestone company to AE4. Critics have questioned why a nation with 186 iron cannot simply turn the iron into steel.
The Ministry of Planning has confirmed that Pakistan does not yet own a steel company.
“We have iron,” said the minister. “We have ambition. What we currently lack is the bit in the middle.”
The government has responded by selling everything not physically attached to a factory.
Food was sold first. Ammunition followed. Military equipment was dismantled. Green cases are being reviewed by a special committee whose only task is deciding whether gambling is more profitable than guaranteed money.
Early reports suggest it is not.
The cabinet has also introduced a new national doctrine:
> Anything that cannot produce resources must explain why it is still in the inventory.
The policy has already created tension within the armed forces.
Pakistan’s only known precision glove has requested political asylum.
Despite these difficulties, public confidence remains high. Supporters argue that the country is finally moving away from an economy based on bread, bullets and government donations.
Opponents say Pakistan is simply replacing those things with concrete.
The government has denied this.
“We also have limestone.”
International investors are invited to participate in Pakistan’s economic miracle by purchasing surplus iron at market price, selling steel cheaply or donating directly to the national programme.
All tips received from this article will be invested responsibly.
No weapons will be purchased.
No food will be purchased.
No cases will be opened unless a mission forces us.
Pakistan will continue producing until morale improves.
— Mazen697