What happens when you pit the 45th President of the United States against the ultimate matriarch of the British Empire? You get the most ridiculous resume battle in history.
1. Branding
• Donald Trump: Slaps his name in giant, gold-leaf letters on hotels, casinos, and steaks.
• Queen Victoria: Didn’t need a building. She branded an entire era. If you had repressed feelings and a velvet couch in the 19th century, you were "Victorian."
• Advantage: Victoria. It’s hard to compete with a century.
2. Family Businesses
• Donald Trump: Keeps his kids close, running boardrooms and appearing on cable news.
• Queen Victoria: The "Grandmother of Europe." She married her children into so many royal families that World War I was essentially a giant, tragic Thanksgiving argument between her grandsons (the King of England, the Kaiser of Germany, and the Tsar of Russia).
• Advantage: Trump. At least his family reunions don’t require trench warfare.
3. Work Ethic
• Donald Trump: Famous for "Executive Time," which involves watching cable news, tweeting at 3:00 AM, and golf.
• Queen Victoria: Ruled for 63 years, oversaw the expansion of an empire on which the sun never set, and did it all while wearing 50 pounds of black mourning silk and suffocating corsets.
• Advantage: Victoria.
The Verdict
Donald Trump is the undisputed king of the 24-hour news cycle and modern spectacle. But if we are talking about actual, history-altering accomplishments, Victoria wins.