Radio Yerevan - Reporting from the recent frontline

RADIO YEREVAN - SPECIAL REPORT
Filed by Babgen, Field Correspondent

"IS IT TRUE THAT CENTRAL ANATOLIA HAS BEEN LIBERATED?"

A listener writes to Radio Yerevan:

"Is it true that Armenian forces have liberated Central Anatolia from Turkish oppression?"

Radio Yerevan answers:

In principle, yes. Although "liberated" is a strong word, and "Central Anatolia" is a strong region, and "Turkish oppression" was, strictly speaking, mostly hate and paperwork :KEKW:. But yes, in principle.

https://app.warera.io/battle/6a7c248febafa0c65b1d16e4

Your correspondent - who until last week held the office of President of this Republic, and now holds a microphone, a notepad, and considerably fewer state secrets - was on the ground to confirm it personally. I stepped down from the presidency to pursue what I believe is the higher calling of journalism, namely: standing closer to the explosions.

THE WOLVES ARE BACK IN THEIR KENNELS

For weeks, the so-called Grey Wolves prowled the hills, howling about borders and blood and other things wolves traditionally howl, or better, yap about. Radio Yerevan is pleased to confirm:

the wolves have been rounded up and returned to their kennels,

where a responsible pet owner keeps them, and where - insiders tell us - they will remain until further notice, fitted with the traditional cone of shame.

The https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac8d4 Ministry of Ecological Security, ever vigilant, has released a short statement:

"We told you it was patient. We did not say it was housebroken."

Poor puppys :PETTHEPEEPO:

ANTALYA: A CITY IN COLOR

But the real story, dear listeners, is not the wolves. It is what happened next.

Word reached your correspondent that the streets of Antalya - yes, Antalya, on Turkish soil itself - have erupted not in mourning, but in celebration. A spontaneous CSD parade broke out along the coastal boulevards this week, complete with flags, floats, and a marching band that, according to eyewitnesses, played "Ararat 1 to the Moon" by https://app.warera.io/user/69e2b4ea75d82ea9ba19623d three times in a row before switching to something with more bass.

A local resident, https://app.warera.io/user/68f889a75a43363f0ea08069, reached by radio, put it best:

"We were told the Grey Wolves were the real Turkey. Turns out the real Turkey has been dancing on the beach the whole time. Turkish soil is colorful too, thank you very much."

While he was dancing on the street.

Radio Yerevan can confirm: even the coastline had rainbow flags flying from the harbor cranes. One elderly fisherman, when asked for comment, simply raised his glass and said, "Finally, some peace and quiet — and some good music."

We are happy for all of you having fun!

A NOTE FROM YOUR FORMER PRESIDENT

As I file this report, I reflect that a man can spend a term signing proclamations about wolves and treasuries, or he can spend an afternoon watching Antalya throw the best party Anatolia has seen in years. I do not regret my choice of career change.

Ad astra, Yerevan. Ad astra — and greetings to Antalya, newly, colorfully free.

Ազատութիւն կամ Մահ ✊

— Babgen for Radio Yerevan