Sanders Fact File #2: The Shortest War In History

Last time, I left you with this: "Somewhere in history, a war started and finished before anyone's coffee went cold."

Paperwork's done. Grab your coffee. This one won't take long.

The War That Britain Won Before Breakfast

Picture this: You declare war on a nation, and by the time you'd normally check your phone for the 10th time that morning, it's already over. Not "over" like a ceasefire after weeks of fighting. Over like 38 minutes, start to finish. Some say 45. Nobody's arguing about it long enough to settle the debate.

This is the Anglo-Zanzibar War of 1896, officially the shortest war in recorded history. It has more drama than most WarEra battle chats.

The Guy Who Crowned Himself Sultan (Bad Idea)

Here's the setup. The old Sultan of Zanzibar dies suspiciously on 25 August 1896. Two days later, his cousin Khalid bin Barghash strolls into the palace, sits on the throne, and basically says, "Yeah, I'm the captain now, deal with it."

Problem: There was a treaty under which Britain must approve the next sultan, and they already had their pick: the cousin named Hamud bin Muhammed, seen as more cooperative. Khalid didn't ask for approval.

All negotiations failed since Khalid wouldn't budge. So, the Britain Commander Rawson sent an ultimatum on the morning of 27 August 1896 to leave the palace by 9:00 a.m. that same day, or else.

Khalid's response? He grabbed his guards, barricaded himself inside, and picked "or else."

Not the best move imo.

9:00 a.m. Sharp: Things Go Very Wrong, Very Fast

The clock hits 9:00. Nothing happens. Khalid's probably thinking it's a bluff.

9:02. The British ships open fire. (Around 500 shells, 4,100 machine gun rounds, 1,000 rifle rounds)

No slow buildup. Two minutes of grace period and the palace is on fire, Khalid's artillery is wrecked, and his royal yacht in the harbor is sunk in the crossfire.

By 9:40, the guns go quiet. Zanzibar's side suffered roughly 500 casualties. Britain's casualties? One sailor, wounded.

"The Sultan's palace after the bombardment, 1896."

The Sultan Ran Out the Back Door

Khalid didn't stick around to negotiate. He fled out the back mid-battle and took shelter at the German consulate, leaving his own guards to face the British navy alone.

Bold strategy: declare yourself sultan, start a war, then leave your friends to take the hits.

Britain installed Hamud bin Muhammed, their preferred candidate, the very next day. And then, in all seriousness, sent Zanzibar an invoice for the artillery shells they just used to demolish the palace.

They won a war in under 40 minutes and billed the loser for the bullets. Not just victory, but victory with an invoice.

So next time someone in your MU takes forty minutes to deploy, just remind them that an empire settled a war, burned down a palace, and decided to mail an invoice in that same window.

Next file: Classified (Teaser)

The next case involves a mushroom, a reindeer, and a secret some cultures kept for centuries.

Got a strange fact, a game mystery, or a piece of history you want investigated? Drop it in the comments and it might become a file.

Stay hungry. Stay dangerous. Stay tuned.

— ChachuKFC, Colonel Sanders