SHOCKING!! Swedish torture devices found!
Hello everyone,
As you might know, we accidentally occupied Stockholm due to a failing GPS system. As always, we started with a thorough inspection of potential holiday homes. The results are absolutely shocking! Sweden has been torturing it's people for decades, using some of the most advanced and horrible torture devices.
Be aware, the images I am about to present might be shocking.
Torture Device #1: Kikki, Bettan & Lotta
One of the most horrible things we found are CD's and Vinyl containing noises that not have yet been identified. These noises operate at a frequency that makes your eardrums explode. The CD's are labeled "Kikki, Bettan & Lotta", we believe its the alias for a secret government plan to destroy the Swedes will to live.
Torture Device #2: Surströmming
Another device we found was labeled "Oskars Surströmming. It is cleverly disguised as a can of food, but when you open it it releases a smell that could make a dungbeetle vomit. Evidence has been found that this torture device has been widely distributed amongst the people.
Torture Device #3: Swedish Football Team
The Swedish people are forced to watch extremely painful images of disabled people running around in yellow jerseys. The painful exercise lasts for 90 minutes after which the Swedish team will have lost the game. We believe this torture method is used to desensitize people.
Torture Device #4: IKEA
Besides physical torture, the Swedes are also experts in mentally torturing it's people. They have build massive buildings with endless mazes. Only 20% of the people entering this building manages to find the way out. We believe this is a way for Sweden to get rid of the weaker specimens in their society.
Torture Device #5: Midsommer Dancing
Every year, the Swedes gather its people for insane rituals. One of them is a ritual where grown men are forced to dance around a pole dressed like enchanted forest NPC's, while singing crazy songs nobody understands.
I hope everyone now realizes how truly evil the Swedish government is. The Dutch will provide professional help for all those who have been scarred by these horrible projects.