Why is it easier to leave a dreadful relationship rather than a mediocre one? Why do we find it easier to walk away from a genuinely terrible job rather than an okay one? According to the Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, this is known as the "beta-region paradox."
Gilbert argues that when we are faced with genuine suffering or hardship, our mind kind of mobilises, we rationalise, we act, and we devise a plan. But when we experience only mild discomfort, we do not recognise that something is wrong. The discomfort sits just below the threshold where we would actually do anything about it, and so we don't do anything about it. We just kind of adapt.
Think of a job where they work you a bit too hard, or it is a bit too boring. Think of a flat or a house that is a bit too small. Think of a relationship where nobody is exactly unhappy, but nobody is flourishing either. In each case, the situation is never bad enough to force your hand. And so, you stay. You adapt.
According to Gilbert, the solution to this is to reframe the problem. Rather than asking, "Is this so bad I should leave?" ask the question, "Is it good enough for me to stay?"