It began, as most terrible financial decisions do, with the word FREE.

This one received a ticket.

Sun. Sand.

Warm ocean.

Cold drinks.

Perhaps a sweet roll beneath a palm tree while somebody else worried about wars, governments and whatever catastrophe was unfolding elsewhere.

Khajiit saw absolutely no reason to be suspicious.

In retrospect, this was mistake number one.

Perhaps this one should have read the terms and conditions.

Actually, perhaps this one should have asked whether terms and conditions existed at all.

WELCOME TO MOZAMBIQUE

The flight was, admittedly, free.

This remains the only part of the advertisement that appears to have been entirely accurate.

Upon arrival in https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db, this one expected the usual resort procedure.

Collect luggage.

Find transport.

Check in.

Locate bar.

Instead, somebody approached Khajiit and handed him a medal.

This was unexpected.

Then somebody informed him that he had been granted the position of Vice President of https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db.

This was considerably more unexpected.

Then the sitting President resigned and disappeared.

This one began to suspect that perhaps the complimentary flight had included certain obligations not clearly stated on the ticket.

There was also, apparently, now a government.

And Khajiit was somehow involved with it.

Troubling sign number one.

THE BEACH RESORT

Still, this one had been promised a beach resort.

Politics could surely wait. This one went looking for it.

There was beach. There was ocean. There was sand.

There was...

No resort.

Apparently, the resort was more of a conceptual project.

This one had not won a holiday.

This one had accidentally joined a startup.

And startups, This one has now learned, require money.

So this one bought his own concrete.

Thus began the construction of the https://app.warera.io/party/6ab7dedaf1fdfdc9a550330f

Because if nobody provides the beach resort, apparently you simply create the beach resort yourself and register a political party while doing it.

This seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.

THEN MADAGASCAR ATTACKED

At this point, https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15d3 attacked.

This one does not claim to understand their strategic reasoning.

However, after careful consideration, Khajiit has developed one entirely unsupported theory:

They wanted to determine who had the better beaches.

This was unacceptable.

There are some disputes that diplomacy can resolve.

There are others where one simply has to defend the honour of https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db's coastline.

This also introduced an entirely new category of holiday expense:

War funding.

Because apparently defending the beach also requires a budget.

By this stage, between the startup fund, war funding and the various other contributions required to keep this increasingly questionable holiday operational, this one had donated approximately 1,800

And that does not include the concrete.

This one fought.

This one contributed.

This one spent.

This one defended the honour of Mozambique's beaches.

And https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15d3 won anyway.

So after all that expense, this one was left with considerably fewer gold and exactly the same unanswered question:

When does the holiday start?

AT LEAST THE ELECTION IS OVER

There was, however, some good news.

The Presidential election eventually ended.

The political uncertainty settled.

And, most importantly, This one was no longer Vice President.

Finally. Freedom.

No more accidental executive office.

No more unexpected responsibility.

Perhaps this was it.

Perhaps this one could finally remove the medal, put away the paperwork, find a beach chair and enjoy the holiday he had supposedly been on this entire time.

Then somebody handed Khajiit another job.

MINISTER OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

...

Of course.

This one arrived in https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db as a tourist.

He became Vice President before finding the resort.

He helped build a political party.

He helped fund an economy.

He helped fund a war.

He watched https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15d3 win said war.

He survived a Presidential election.

And his reward for finally escaping government was...

More government.

At this stage, Khajiit is beginning to suspect that https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db has a very unusual tourism department.

And apparently the new Ministry already has its first international crisis.

The https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15db flag is wrong.

Somewhere along the way, yellow has found its way to the top instead of green.

This will simply not do.

So before this one can finally reach the beach, apparently there is now a flag to fix as well.

Khajiit has been Minister of Foreign Affairs for approximately five minutes and already has a diplomatic agenda:

1. Fix flag.
2. Find beach chair.
3. Prevent further responsibilities.

This one suspects number three may be impossible.

THE HIDDEN COSTS

Then came the bill for all the little extras the advertisement had somehow neglected to mention.

Concrete. Startup funding. War funding.

Drinks. Bonfires. Security guards.

Government supplies. Economic development.

Beach-party infrastructure.

Khajiit has stopped checking.

Every time this one reaches into his pockets, another Mozambique-related expense seems to appear.

Eventually, however, this one made the mistake of checking the total.

CREDIT CARD OWING: 9,200

And growing.

Khajiit stared at the number.

Then at the beach.

Then at the concrete.

Then back at the number.

THE FLIGHT WAS FREE.

This remains technically true.

THIS ONE HAS LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON

Always read the terms and conditions.

Especially when somebody offers you a free international flight.

If the ticket includes phrases such as:

"Complimentary Vice Presidency"

"President may disappear without notice"

"Resort subject to customer construction"

"Concrete not included"

"Agricultural economy requires startup funding"

"International conflict may result in additional charges"

"Victory not guaranteed despite payment"

"Government position may automatically renew under a different title"

or

"National flag maintenance may become your responsibility"

...perhaps consider another destination.

Still, this one cannot complain too much.

The beaches are beautiful.

The company is entertaining.

Vibes are vibing.

https://app.warera.io/party/6ab7dedaf1fdfdc9a550330f exists.

https://app.warera.io/country/683ddd2c24b5a2e114af15d3 may have won the battle.

The Vice Presidency may somehow have transformed into the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

And the mythical beach holiday remains tantalisingly close.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Perhaps after fixing the flag.

Perhaps after the next diplomatic meeting.

Perhaps after rebuilding the government stockpile.

Perhaps after somebody finally builds the resort.

One day, this one will actually get to relax on the beach.

This one remains optimistic.

THE MOZAMBIQUE HOLIDAY RECOVERY FUND

Due to unforeseen circumstances, namely everything that has happened since landing, this one is accepting donations.

All donations will go towards rebuilding the government stockpile.

Absolutely none will be spent on:

🍹 Drinks
🔥 Bonfires
🏖️ Beach chairs
🧱 More concrete
🎉 https://app.warera.io/party/6ab7dedaf1fdfdc9a550330f Party activities
🐟 Questionable seafood purchases

Probably.

Receipts may or may not exist.

https://app.warera.io/user/68e538c09c4aafa6f1a0bd5c

This one just wanted a beach holiday.