Last week, Denmark led a raid on the coast of Scotland. There has been a lot of speculation on the reasons behind the attack and it has angered the Swedish population just enough (which isn't a lot), to prompt their long planned invasion of Denmark.

As one of the architects behind the raid, allow me to cast some light upon the secret motives of the Danish people, and what led to the Vikingetogt. I may be marked as a traitor for this, but I feel the truth is far more important.

The prelude

The Danish people are very proud about their sense of justice. That is why our police use more violence than needed and deport children of immigrants because of technicalities. We always keep an eye out for injustices around the globe, and try to step in when we can.

Scotland has long concerned us. Since the game has put the Scottish people under British control, only a toddler wouldn't think the Scottish oppressed. But we don't act on instinct alone, we dispatched spies to collect intel.

With the important and incriminating intelligence returned from the Scottish coast, it took the Danish government .3 minutes to decide their plan of rescue. It is definitely not just one random totally unknown guy on a mission, it was really a joint decision in Congress, really.

Luckily, the quick in-and-out manoeuver has been perfected by the Danes for centuries. The longer than average longships were launched almost immediately.

Every Batman needs their Robin, so the Danes phoned their allies along the way. Hearing the truth of the matter, they sprang to action as well.

The raid

Danes have raided the monasteries along the Scottish and English coast many times long ago, and have dreamed of it ever since. We didn't even have to set the GPS, we knew the way. Almost like muscle memory, the longer than average longships landed by the monasteries, and the Danes started fires and stole valuables. The impressive Danish intellect couldn't fight the Viking heritage, and instinct took over.

What made matters worse, Sweden chose this exact day for a road trip to Scotland, so the Danes were met with fierce resistance.

The raid was however a massive success. The Danes returned home with fat longer than average longships, and we managed to free exactly two (2) oppressed Scots.

The aftermath

The oppressed Scots were finally free, and very very happy mind you. But the swedes didn't like having their lunch interrupted by danes LARPing as viking raiders, so they moved the timeline for Operation: Get Tuborg and Røde Pølser to "immediately".

While the Danish people applied their best defense tactics with LEGO beaches and JYSK boksmadras barricades, the Swedish troops were more than willing to endure the pain to get some of our famous Bøfsandwiches.

The Danish government tried to hide the Scots in a place the Swedish never would look. But little did we know, Swedish all carry universal IKEA keys, and dragged away the Scots after a brief stop by the cafeteria.

Some may say that all is lost. The Swedish are eating our pork. The plunder from Scotland lost in some field in Jylland. The freed, former oppressed, Scots returned to Scotland now to be oppressed, former freed.

But a true fisherman knows.. That's only till we meet again, Scotland.

Signed with love,

Knud, Danmarks Defensivmedister