Dear warlords, politicians, and newspaper readers around the world,
This article is dedicated to our country’s brief but intense history of war with https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d446e731854c7ac79a.
Exactly two weeks ago, our newly elected and inexperienced parliament passed a law declaring war on France. This was done solely to honor the memory of https://app.warera.io/user/69065e23e8e12c3b9ff9f06b, a former great Surinamese statesman. His homesickness and craving for poor-quality local food were greater than his love for Suriname. A loss that still saddens us to this day.
The declaration of war passed without further consequences or action on our part. Out of nowhere, the French seized the opportunity for a “counterattack” and attacked us,https://app.warera.io/battle/69fc96a42d052c6a8e98ad9f . Victories and defeats followed for both sides. After an initial gruelinghttps://app.warera.io/battle/69fdeb111a318abce5a5ed30, our advance was halted and the French were able to capture our capital. This was followed by a brazen peace offer from the then-French President https://app.warera.io/user/69025adcfe0f15858fead462. We were to pay 2,000 BTC, and in “return,” they would help us liberatehttps://app.warera.io/region/6813b70b9403bc4170a5dab0from https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac858 .
A complete farce, especially since we would never fight against our good friend and neighbor https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac858.
Exactly one week ago, we freed ourselves from the French yoke, https://app.warera.io/battle/6a02ba9df5f351ddcf2711e2. We took this resounding victory as an opportunity to convey a peace offer to the current French President, https://app.warera.io/user/6952fad6570072bf2733c162: France must pay 4,000 BTC to Suriname and change its national color to green. As a sign of our generosity, we would also have helped the French liberate France from the French. Unfortunately, this offer was rejected.
After careful consideration and discussion in Parliament, we decided to carry out our assistance free of charge despite the failed negotiations with France. As of yesterday, May 19, 2026, our liberation campaign in France has begun.
We will not rest until the last French stronghold has fallen. For the freedom of all peoples in France!
I would also like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude to all our friends around the world: https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac8c1,https://app.warera.io/country/6873d0ea1758b40e712b5ee9, https://app.warera.io/country/6873d0ea1758b40e712b5ee7, https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d446e731854c7ac7a8,https://app.warera.io/country/696a81da63e2489f47e5a28e,https://app.warera.io/country/687eab339142f76907295e4e,https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac85c, https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac8a6 andhttps://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac8a3.
Sincerely, and on behalf of the Government of https://app.warera.io/country/6813b6d546e731854c7ac8a0
President
Hptm_von_Suriname